Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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