if you like me you must not know who I am
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize