I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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