The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
