The brown eye won't let me do that either.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
