U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
