Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
