please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
