I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
