And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
