Jerry, you need to find god
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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