The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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