so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
