I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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