my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
