No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
