What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
