There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
