I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
