All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
