shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize