The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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