i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
