Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
