You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
