I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
