My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
