I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
