i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
