I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
