it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
