So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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