im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
