K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize