I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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