he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
