i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
