I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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