i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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