The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
