I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
