The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
