Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
