their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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