are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
