1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
