PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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