I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
