I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
