I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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