Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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