I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
