Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
