We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
