a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
