Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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