I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
