you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
