she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
