Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
