jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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