Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
