I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize