i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
