Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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