I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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