i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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