you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize