i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
