loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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